collected writings

FAUST IV: BACK WITH A VENGEANCE AND A VERY CLEAR MORAL PURPOSE

One day when I was outside walking along a wooded trail,
I saw a strange black dog, and yet instead of turning tail
The dog came up to me and sat down at my feet.
I looked at the dog, its eyes glowing like a red beet,
Or better yet, with the fire of hell,
And with the ring of a distant bell,
The black dog with red eyes sat up tall,
And I saw that it wasn't a dog at all.

Before a second had gone, the dog was not
There anymore. Instead was the thing that wars have been fought
For and that candy has been bought for, can after can,
It was the shape of, yes, I tell the truth, a woman.
She spoke to me in old English, and so here
I translate her words for you to hear.
She said, "Behold, I am not what you see before you.
I have taken on a more pleasing shape, in order to

Not scare you away, for although I can do as I please
People fear me. Fear not! I am Mephistopheles."
I said, I have heard of you, but before now I held it as a lie,
That you existed, and yet here you stand. Oh, my!
You look nothing like how I imagined you looking.
She replied, "I have many faces. The one you refer to was a little fling
That I had a long time ago back in Ancient Sumeria, when I appeared
To some washed out priests as a red giant, with horns and a pointy beard.

Who would have thought that such a vision could last?
Imagine! Me! Mephistopheles! Typecast!"
Forget about it, I said. Don't worry... but tell me, why are you here?
Are you filling in for Death? That is what I fear.
"Don't worry, you have not died. Fie! I guess
I am still not over being only second best
To the old man in the sky. If only I could show
Him that I was an equal, on every level, then my foe

Would have respect for me." I'll tell you a solution, I won't lie
I'll help you gain the upper hand, I said with a twinkle in my eye.
You get such a bad reputation for what you often do
You trick people and swindle their souls, and this is true,
If once, you were to be generous with somebody, only then
Would you be on equal footing with you know who, and could mend
Your typecast situation that was started so long ago.
People would see that you were nice, and no true foe.

"I'll do it!" She said, and then she went on to say,
"And since you helped me, it will be you. And so you may
Ask for anything, and I will give it to you, free
Of charge. I won't take your soul, for this is the key
To help me in getting over my bad reputation.
So what do you want, whether it be serious or fun,
I'll give it to you, with no worries on your part."
I said right away, yes, I'd like to be smart.

No, wait, not just smart, but incredibly bright.
I want total illumination, so that I might
Completely understand the infinite mysteries of life
Like women, and languages, why, I'll be sharp as a knife!
"Granted," spoke she, "but just so you know
Pure enlightenment can only come from a show
Of intelligence and comedy, and of both tons and tons
I refer to a cartoon, know by mortals, as The Simpsons."

I was shocked. I had been a fan of the show for many a season,
But even then it was hard to believe, so I asked for a reason.
"Simple," my benefactor replied, "Knowledge is not
Something that one gains from study, nor can it be bought.
Instead of snooty intellectuals talking about heady stuff
They could watch The Simpsons. It's not that tough.
All that there is in the world to know
Can simply be learned by watching that show."

But, I replied, remember I want more
I want all the knowledge so I'll never be a bore
When entertaining, or simply doing my job.
"In that case... in order so that you may rise above the mob
I'll put you into the Simpsons' home of Springfield,
So that your knowledge will bloom and grow.
As I stand here, on the Earth, under the sun and the moon
I'll animate you. In short, you will be a toon.

Zap! Bang! Boom! Instantly I was transported through
The clouds, and around the town, to eventually come to
A quaint little house on Evergreen Terrace, a road that
Had seen the likes of Presidents, Zombies, a Dog and a Cat.
Following the lead of Mephistopheles I went in the house
Where the five family members were watching a cat and a mouse
On the television. Mephistopheles entered and with a pop and a fizz
She announced herself, she was known, having made many guest appearances.

"Now Simpsons'! I have here a charge. One who I have promised to
Share all the comprehension in the world with, so that by and through
He will understand the many mysteries of life. So please stay still, please don't dart
You will all share your knowledge of the world. Starting with, hmm... You! Bart!"
"Hang on, man!" The little boy started to say,
"Before I give my advice to that guy, may
I ask him some questions?" The devil motioned for
Bart to go ahead. "How come you have one more

Finger on each hand that we do?" Bart held out his hand
And lo! On each hand he had only four fingers! And
As I looked around the room I saw that it was true for everyone.
"And you're skin," he continued, "Ours is yellow, like the sun,
But yours is a different color." My hand had looked a sickly
Pinkish hue, while his skin glowed a healthy yellow. Gee,
I said, I had never noticed it before.
I wonder why nobody had ever mentioned it to me, and what is more,

Then I paused, and started to quiz the young boy.
I showed him that his hair was little more than an extension of his head. Oh joy,
I told him how it was the same color, and then
Pointed out my own hair, which could bend
And twist, and it was a different color than my face, and by and large
I asked the whole Simpson family about their hair, including Marge,
Who's hair is large and wiggly like a fish.
Or a beehive that is tall and bluish.

And yet they seemed to think that I looked weird,
But Mephistopheles, the one who is often feared
Said, "Hark! The little girl has something to say."
Said Lisa, "I do have something to add, if I may...
Or differences go beyond this minor issue.
You are made up of an entirely different tissue.
In your veins real red blood if flowing...
We only have blood if drawn by Matt Groening."

By now I was starting to wonder in my mind
If these characters or I were the normal kind.
I know I was from the live action world originally,
But since cartoons are just characterizations of you and me
Then who's to say that they are not more true
Than reality, since cartoons compress many into few
And in doing, show many of the idiosyncrasies and traits
That makes the world operate.

So who is to say that my world is realistic,
And the cartoon world is wrong or sick.
Even though cartoons do not look exactly like us,
They still share our problems, and they whine and fuss
Exactly like we do. Perhaps one of the two
Parents of the family can through insight and through
Age, share some of their knowledge on the subject matter.
Just then Homer, the father and by far the fatter

Of the parents spoke up. "Young man," he said,
"You are on to something. Take for instance Ned
Flanders. He is a characterization of all Christianity
And since he is only a cartoon character he is not
Realistic, and yet his abstract form says a lot
About organized religion in itself. How about that?"
I replied that he surely was on the right path, and he, albeit fat
And himself a characterization of the uneducated mass

Spoke with intelligence, and in truth was not an ass.
I asked him, how is it that you fully understand that you
Are a cartoon and that you yourself are a characterization of,
dare I say it, a fool?
"Simple. That is the nature of cartoons to be self-aware
Of themselves and their state. It can all be traced back to a bear,
Or was it a rabbit, who, was erased by the artist with the help of
A large pencil drawn in from up above.
I'll illustrate thus: Oh!" He cried, "Hey God! I dare

You to do it!" Just then, a pencil, sticking in the air
Started to erase Homer's head. "Stop! My point is done."
Then he looked at me. "I think you get the point. This is fun."
He said to Mephistopheles, then continued: "Our self-awareness
Lies not just on that basic of a level. For instance, we cartoons are
Well aware that we are in a sense actors in a play or vaudeville skit,
Or characters in a long running sitcom, and so we can explore theNature of comedy through this self-awareness.
In other words, we are well aware that this entire story has been in rhyme, and so
We can consciously not rhyme, and by doing so make a comment about
The nature of epic poetry and its perversion of words into a rhyming form.
It seems silly to write sentences backwards as you have been doing,
Just in order for them to rhyme with the next line.
Of course, if you want to write like that, with me it is fine."

I replied that this was most interesting, and that I would take it all to heart.
Then Mephistopheles said, "We have heard from Homer, Lisa, and Bart.
Now let us hear from Marge, who's ideas she shall give us."
Then Marge began, "The thing that should be mentioned, without much fuss,
Is that all these ideas can be used to understand yourself.
You know that you are a person, and not an animated little elf,
So you can take our lessons back to your life.
When we cry, or chase each other with a knife,

Or do anything else that would offend someone where you live
Just remember that all our cartoon actions are exaggerated, and so we give
More emotions that people normally do.
Just remember this, and then you,
When watching your television on your shelf
Will apply our lessons to yourself.
If we could tell you one thing to do with your life, it would be
To have fun, to not take things so seriously, to find glee

In every aspect of life, and then to laugh at yourself when you don't.
This is our lesson for you to live. Only when you have fun, you won't
Worry and stress, and you will become more productive.
This is my advice to you, and I will now take my leave.
Just remember to laugh loud and often, and then you will know
The happiness to life that is presented on our show."
As if to back up her point, Maggie, the littlest child
Looked up at me, and gave me a smile.

In a flash Mephistopheles and I were back home. Then, without reason
The Devil went over and turned on the television.
"My time here grows short. With your help, hopefully
I will earn some respect. But tell me, what did you learn?"
And then I told the Devil of all that had been said.
I talked about how important it is to have fun, instead
Of being sad and dull. I talked about the importance of self-awareness,
And how incredible things can happen when you know you exist

And are aware of your reality, whether constructed or real.
But just knowing they exist help make you feel.
Because when you know where you are in life, you can go far,
It is easier to break the rules when you know what they are.
But I was still curious about other cartoons.
If they had other lessons to give, or if they were all buffoons.
I asked Mephistopheles if this was true.
The Devil replied, "Come! I'll show you Scooby Doo."

All the knowledge you can get
Comes from your TV set.
And with that final action beat
My story is done and complete.